This was the first day I'v not taken a dose of my mediaction since I'v been weining myself off it. Let's just say I'm f**ing glad I'm taking myself off this stuff slowly and have such utterley fantastic freinds who put up with my ramblings at 5am (my time) when I think my bedroom is trying to 'get' me. I dread to think what would of happened if I had gone cold turkey of this is what happens when one comes off them 'slowly' like this.

Yu-hu, by 5am, just a few hours ago I was in bed trembling, had tears running down my cheeks and was terrified to be 'left alone' in my bedroom as for some reason EVERYTHING scared me. I'v never felt to scared in my life. A couple of hours before that I had been casually chatting with other freinds and eventually started to get a little moody and after nearly biting a good freind's head off for no reason whatsoever, I tried to get some shut eye then eventually found myself on my laptop begging for someone to talk to me, completley terrified.

At this point I just want to state again how completley, undecribably greatful I am to have such awesome freinds such as you guys and gals. I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't chat to you lot because sometimes I just need to talk to someone to calm me down or get something off my chest, I really can't describe how much it helps me sometimes. Also, I'd just like to say, I don't make these journals out of wanting sympathy, I just like to talk I guess. Whatever, I probably sound whiney but if this journal has to mean anything, I just wanna state how flabbergasted I am at how this kind of medication works. Sure, you feel niceley doped up when they kick in, but the side effects are not nice and as you can guess, coming back off them is a complete bitch. If anyone is considering taking/is taking anti-depressants and wants to talk about them or has any questions feel free to ask me for an honest opinion. Yes, they have their down sides but also do their job well in some respects. I have my own reasons for coming off them.

Yeah, eventually after about an hour or so I came to my senses, but damn, that was a bit of a freak out moment.

I should be back to 'normal' relativley soon hopefully and will hopefully stop making these crazy journal entries and stop being so self centered. I'v not been to chatty recentley on IM programs or been in an artsy mood (I'v been forcing myself to draw all week and not enjoyed it) and been a little confused latley so I apologise to anyone I'v been weird to recentley.